she views the world through some rose tinted shades, the kind that have polka dots on the frame, with smiley faces maybe, or some ladybirds...or cherries...or happy suns with darts of sunlight shooting out, spreading through the entire canvas of her vision..that was her..that is her. she yearns to belong to a world. a world that seems light years away..but not to her..she watches them, views their happiness,,,with a tinge of guilt, a pang of envy and maybe gratification that life does have fruit to offer..she feels all this in a milisecond, she feels all this as she slowly moves through the crowds, that engulf her, and make her look more ordinary than she already is....blocking the sun that she wants to be in..the shade doest offer any comfort.
she thinks she can do it,..at some point..she can. yes...move forward, pant a little...it will be sluggish in the end but it can happen..she thinks...she stops..she thinks..she moves..
its been years..time has passed....her eyes search..they even close with patience..its not impossible she thinks..it cant be too difficult..its just blending...mixing...some moulding..some kneeding...some shaping and things will be ok..

her pictures will show her smile. her pictures will show her wearing kaftans, with jeweled slippers...pasty skin...and a glisten in her eyes that only some can see...she will have that day she thinks..when all of that happen...she thinks she deserves it...it will happen...she will be surrounded by nothing but light.....she would carry it with herself and make everything she touches turn to gold...
she would sit with a slouch..with a poise that shows nothing but sparkle...she would look at the time and wish it would just fly...
shes not letting go...shes not...maybe she should but she isnt...shes hustling...shes moving..she thinks that its just around the corner. the happiness shes looking for.