she views the world through some rose tinted shades, the kind that have polka dots on the frame, with smiley faces maybe, or some ladybirds...or cherries...or happy suns with darts of sunlight shooting out, spreading through the entire canvas of her vision..that was her..that is her. she yearns to belong to a world. a world that seems light years away..but not to her..she watches them, views their happiness,,,with a tinge of guilt, a pang of envy and maybe gratification that life does have fruit to offer..she feels all this in a milisecond, she feels all this as she slowly moves through the crowds, that engulf her, and make her look more ordinary than she already is....blocking the sun that she wants to be in..the shade doest offer any comfort.
she thinks she can do it,..at some point..she can. yes...move forward, pant a little...it will be sluggish in the end but it can happen..she thinks...she stops..she thinks..she moves..
its been years..time has passed....her eyes search..they even close with patience..its not impossible she thinks..it cant be too difficult..its just blending...mixing...some moulding..some kneeding...some shaping and things will be ok..

her pictures will show her smile. her pictures will show her wearing kaftans, with jeweled slippers...pasty skin...and a glisten in her eyes that only some can see...she will have that day she thinks..when all of that happen...she thinks she deserves it...it will happen...she will be surrounded by nothing but light.....she would carry it with herself and make everything she touches turn to gold...
she would sit with a slouch..with a poise that shows nothing but sparkle...she would look at the time and wish it would just fly...
shes not letting go...shes not...maybe she should but she isnt...shes hustling...shes moving..she thinks that its just around the corner. the happiness shes looking for.

KARACHI!

ok much needs to ensue to make this blog livelier...im only here for 10 days! 10!! how lame is that...i blame the corporate world for this. i have never visited karachi for less than a month and now i have to pack my life in a 10 day period...its not fun..considering you take two to three days to wear off the jet lag. but whatever. im so happy...even not doing anything is fun! :) the heat is a little annoyig and the stickiness of my clothes once i step out in the street...but hey...thats what i was born into.

so far. i have spent time with the kiddies...scolded them for reading my diary while i was away, ate bahadurabad chaat made with gutter water, meetha paan, naan, mango milk shake...mango slices. french biscuits..applied test make up on sarah naqvi and duefully got her approval for the eye makeup..minus the bold eyeliner i applied. gushed over her nikkah clothes, got lost in my sister's mansion, made a trip to the tailor master and asked him to masterfully stitch the nikkah clothes the day before, walked around in my slippers and got my toes dirty with sand. stared in shock at my measurements this year compared to last year.

why is karachi always so much fun? even amidst the not so great internet connection, not so grea power supply, not so great smog over the city...its the familiariy of everything, the room you stay in, where you lived for the first 19 years of your life, same landmarks, everythings right where you left it and going through drawers full of old pictures, notes, tests, textbooks, takes you right back where you always wanted to be.

thats the power of home. everything is you.

Hygeine? Seriously...

So i have been meaning to blog about this-

Im working mostly at the office these days. The office is not known for its modern restrooms. The lighting is a little off, the floors dont seem scrubbed (even though im sure they are everyday). So in essence, stepping in doesnt give you assurance that this place is remotely clean, im mostly on my toes, hands to my side, making sure i have the least possible contact with anything in there.

While washing my hands the other day. i noticed a sign on the towel dispenser, warning of the effects of swine flu and how one should wash her hands after using the bathroom, in order to fight any germs that may carry the flu virus.

It got me thinking..

No 1. Washing hands before the swine flu scare was just an option?

No 2. Reading this made me recall noticing people using the toilets and then stepping outside, or at best, washing their hands hastily with water and no soap. Is that all you need when you use the bathroom and are possibly in the most germ infested part of the building?

Not only should you use soap, its imperative to use a LOT of soap and wash your hands thoroughly for at least 15 to 20 seconds with warm water. In addition, if there is an anti bacterial solution nearby, you should use a quart sized amount and rub it on your hands until dry. Finally, when stepping out, use a towel to hold the bathroom door handle.

I apologize if i sound like your mother 16 years ago, but i cant help it if i see adults- educated adults probably aware of all the consequences of walking around with filthy hands, failing to follow such a simple and necessary regimen.

PLEASE PLEASE, wash your hands, WITH soap. You can contract a lot more than just the swine flu if you don't.

summer has to be the most horrible time to study for an exam. especially in a city like chicago when summer only lasts for a few months. its beautiful outside. its blue, yellow and the air is cold and new.
the grass is growing up to my knees. the south indians have turned the cement strip in the dog park to a cricket pitch..and i can hear them yelling in their their langauge as a dark skinned boy hits the wickets.
i just want to be outside. with a friend, go to jamba juice, and get a smoothie. wear flip flops and let my hair down so it freely blows in the wind. hhe
the weather is making me giddy happy and this exam isnt!
next year no exams, no problem...hopefully ill still have a job then